I melted into a puddle of despair as the reality of tonight’s dinner situation sunk in. My husband insisted it was fine (even though he admitted that whole wheat pasta tastes like cardboard to him the night before) and nodded in agreement that we couldn’t just throw away perfectly good – well, perhaps simply edible – food. Still, my heart turned sour as I thought about all of the times I’ve disappointed my husband with what I made to put on our plates.
From as far back as I remember, I longed to be a wife.
Whenever my elementary school friends and I played house, I always had to be the mother.
There was just something about the love of a husband and wife that I so dearly wanted for myself.
The thing is, I think women intuitively desire marriage because from the beginning of time God said it was not good for man to be alone (see Genesis 2:18).
God gives his people desire to mirror him, to display his glory to the world.
In marriage, women hold a unique role in mirroring something much larger than themselves.
In preparing for my own marriage, I’ve come to realize that this something larger is the gospel.
The truth is, being Silas’ wife was the no-deal-breaker promise I needed to force me to trust God – no matter what – in our relationship. I married Silas because I knew I would be able to follow God better, and even in our few months of marriage that has proven to be true.
However, a loving Pastor gave me one of the greatest gifts a Pastor could give to a bride-to-be. A few phone calls and texts later, and he arranged a coffee date for me and a former military/current police wife. I gleaned so much wisdom and encouragement from Bethany over that java in Kansas City.
It turns out I don’t receive love very well when I make that my ultimate goal. When I’m centered around my needs, and not focused on making my husband feel loved, then I’m using all of my energy to express and build up expectations (that will fail me).